I think it was a Sunday afternoon. I don’t remember the exact place, but it very well could have been where I have often been on a Sunday afternoon, resting in the dappled sunshine that streamed between the branches of a not-so-special elm tree whose trunk was at my back. I lifted my eyes to the unfathomable depth of blue sky beyond its leaves, talking to my God about everything.
Sometimes thanksgiving and praise overflowed to join the chirping birds and unfolding flowers. Sometimes my heart ached with burdens as I pled for intercession in the lives of those I loved and for the confusion and longings of my own soul. And sometimes, there were no words and I just sat with Him, overwhelmed at my God, my Father, my Lord, who was also my Friend, comforted and awed by the knowledge that He had heard and would answer in His time and in His way. It would be more beautiful than I could ever imagine!
“There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.”
-1 Samuel 2:2 (NIV)
He is so patiently leading me from the place I used to be, when I had thought I'd given my whole life to Him, but only prayed to beg for my own wishes, and withheld from Him the secret places of my life. I think I already knew He wouldn't totally approve of them.
But slowly, painfully, He drug it all into my vision, and I saw in brokenness how much I needed Him, and that I desperately wanted Him to take it all, to change me, and to have everything–all of me. I wanted Him, needed Him, to show me day after day, year after year, the things my clenched hands needed to release, the ugliness my sin is, the disobedience my stubborn heart doesn't want to give up.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions.”
-Psalm 51:1 (NIV)
I need Him. I need Him in the sinfulness and weakness of my heart. I need Him in this big, frightening world where I so often feel lost and confused and alone.
And I need prayer, not to change Him–as I'd so often prayed like I believed–but so that He will change me.
“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?”
-Psalm 6:2-3
So I run to Him. When I've sinned. When I've failed. When I'm tired of fighting. When my heart is overflowing with longing or joy. When I can't help singing. And when I just want to talk.
There is no awkwardness there. No self-consciousness. Just a pouring out of my heart. And He's always there. Even after a day in which I was silent, my mind occupied with so many other thoughts. Even when I feel He's the one who's been silent. Even when I have no words. Even when I'm too lazy to pray. And even when I don't want to listen to Him.
He's always there. He always hears. And He always answers, even when I don’t see it, or it’s not what I want, or I think it takes too long. He is changing me, completing the work He has begun.
“Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?”
-2 Samuel 7:18 (NIV)
Prayer. This is the place He has given us to join in the battle. To fight. Because it's not our battle at all– it’s His.
"Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”
-Nehemiah 4:14 (NIV)
“Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.”
Psalm 60:11-12 (NIV)
As I was standing there in that beautiful Sunday afternoon, alone with Him, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a mind-boggling thought. How many of His people were talking to Him in that moment? How many were bringing requests before His throne? And yet He was with every single one of them, meeting them there as though they were the only one.
“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
-Rom 11:33-36 (NIV)
What more do I have to say?
This is the Almighty LORD of all creation, the Omniscient, Omnipresent God, who asks us to come and tell Him everything. The One who asks to be the center of every part of our lives. Whose nature demands to be the center of every part of our lives–because He’s God. He is the One who alone can save lost souls, still the storm, heal illness, win the battle, give peace beyond all understanding, make known His grace perfect in our weakness, cross impossible distances. The One who wants to change us.
We need Him. And that’s why we pray.
All throughout scripture, God has given us many prayers. Prayers of praise and awe, prayers of desperation, of repentance, of battle, of victory. Our God knows the needs of the human heart so much better even than we ourselves do.
I will leave one such prayer with you:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
-Eph. 3:14-21
-Karina Joy
This post was inspired by this week’s writing prompt from The Writer's Cottage. Thank you
and !And a few songs of course!
This is SO beautiful, Karina!! Thank you for sharing it!
Karina, what a thoughtful and Christ-centered exploration of a very great privilege bestowed upon us: to pray — to quite literally walk — with all our messiness — into the Presence of the God who killed a man for simply keeping the Ark of the Covenant from falling. Not to be bleak here but to emphasise on the reality of a Holy God making His home in our hearts and talking to us in prayer ❤️
I love the pictures you’ve added here. Takes me straight to those moments of being there and talking your heart out to your God.
Bless your heart, Karina. As always, a fantastic collection of songs.